Wednesday, July 26, 2006

a passionate argument

Not so very long ago someone accused me of not being a very passionate person. This would have been one of those occasions when I could have used my very own pocket-sized Chitster, master of witty comebacks and glib arguments. (Well... mostly ;)

As it was, though, I found myself more or less speechless. Added to this was the fact that at the time I was in the grip of an extended period of depression, a state of mind which makes not just feelings of passion, but also the clarity of thought such as might be required to convincingly argue against such a statement, a tad elusive.

And so I caved. It was pretty much a lose-lose situation and I didn't have the energy to disagree with conviction.

However, this little episode has stayed with me. I have rather hairy arms, you see - not in an Orangatan sense, but in a light, downey sense, and when I was a child my mother told me that "hairy girls are passionate". So you see, there was no way this person's opinion could be correct. I refuse to believe my mother would tell me such a thing simply to make me feel better about not having a smooth, hairless complexion on my arms. Therefore I have always believed myself to be a passionate person.

I suppose my biggest passion in life has been dancing. My years of ballet dancing allowed an expression of feeling that came from deep inside; I felt euphoric when dancing. I put my heart and soul into it while I was doing it. I may not do ballet anymore, but I still adore dancing, any kind of dancing, and when music is playing I find it difficult to stand still. Which brings me to something else that invokes strong feelings and emotions in me - and after all, isn't that what passion is? That thing is Music. I don't just enjoy music, I need it. It breathes life into my soul. It can lift me up or calm me down. I don't think I could survive without music.

These are the two things that stand out in my mind right now (you can see why I didn't win that argument, can't you?!) but I'd like to change tack here.
You see, I have felt - and do feel - really intense emotions. I have been hurt so bad it was physical pain, as if I had been knifed in the chest. I have experienced an anger so intense that I literally saw only the colour red for a solid hour. I have been so happy that I have cried. And isn't that sort of intensity another facet of passion? Feeling massive highs and lows; or being consumed by thoughts of something or someone to an extent that the rest of the world seems to pass by in a blur... or is that simply obsession? Are passion and obsession not inextricably linked, though?

The other person's argument was that there is nothing in my life that I am truly passionate about. I don't have "A Thing" that is mine, that I am committed to completely. I always keep my options open, am always on the lookout for something else, and am easily distracted.

But my argument, is this:
I don't lack passion - I simply have a short attention span.

Besides, I believe balance is more important. Giving all one's attention to only one thing can only lead to trouble in other aspects of one's life. But I guess that sort of practical thinking would make a good argument for the other side. Logical thought and passion don't exactly go hand in hand, do they?

And so I find myself at the end of this post, no wiser on the subject than I was before I started writing it. Am I passionate or aren't I? Well, perhaps outwardly it may appear not. But then again, nobody but me knows what goes on inside my hairy self.
Perhaps, for now, that is how I would like to keep it.

Monday, July 24, 2006

what's the buzz?

It looks like the past few weeks (months?) finally caught up with me and I got a nasty dose of the midsummer 'flu last week that had me laid up at home with barely enough energy to feed myself.
Poor me.
But it's Monday again so I'll have another bash at a new week.

My patience finally paid off last weekend and after hours of crawling on my belly in the garden I snapped a couple of photos of some of our local wildlife. OK, "a couple" may be understating a bit. I think I must have taken close to 30 shots to get just a couple of decent ones, the best of which is probably this...

FYI: bees move around a lot. And fast.

I must say, in stalking these creatures with my camera I discovered that they're a quite a lot like me. Buzzing around doing stuff all day long, following the same path to work (my Lavender plants) then buzzing off home again to look after the hive (Do bumblebees live in hives? I presume so...) and finally getting some rest when the sun goes down, only to start all over again in the morning.
It's a fun life, innit?!
Only, of course, bees don't carry cameras.

I like my little garden. It has a nice patch of grass where we can lie and lap up the sun on weekends. [Insert witty 'Irish Summer' jokes here]
There are some pretty cool plants and young trees in it too. These flowers...

...blow me away though - they are just so bright in colour! Only trouble is I have no idea what they are. Can anyone tell me? That way when I tell people I have such lovely flowers I can actually not sound like a complete ignoramus when they ask me what kind they are and I say things like, "Uh, some sort of bulb I think..."
Er, no, I wouldn't be the greatest horticulturalist in the world.
I just like pretty flowers :)

Of course while I was waiting for the bees to put in an appearance I happily snapped away at other stuff too, and I quite like how this one turned out:

No, one doesn't often see cactus plants surviving in Ireland, but we've managed to nurture these for about 3 years now. We just have to remember to put it outside in the sunshine whenever there is some available, and in wet weather it lives under shelter or inside.

And that's it for today - stay tuned for more of The Exciting World Of Terri's Back Yard coming soon!

Monday, July 17, 2006

A Strainge Experience

This morning I walked to the train station to catch the 9am commuter service to the city, nothing out of the ordinary except it was a beautiful, stunning morning with hot sunshine - proper hot, not just Irish hot. As usual there were people milling around waiting, like me, for the train so as not to have to wait another 45 minutes for the next one.

The train steamed up, beeped and opened its doors, I stepped inside and found myself in The Twilight Zone.
There was not even one person in the carriage!

Normally I'd be lucky to find a seat... If it hadn't been for the other three women who'd got on at my station as well, I may have just stepped back onto the platform and waited for the next one regardless of probably being late for work. Judging by the expressions on the other three women's faces they were just as confused - where were all the people??? Maybe they were kidnapped by aliens or sucked into a black hole or something. I didn't want that to happen to me, not when I've only just moved into my pretty new house!

But as it turned out I made it into work OK so all is well.
So there ya go, good news today: Terri has not been kidnapped by aliens.

Friday, July 14, 2006

It seemed like a good idea at the time

Right, so, that worked well. Anyone for a Plan C? Like perhaps giving up my day job or employing someone to do my housework?
Actually, that last one might not be such a bad idea.
Hubby wants a puppy eh?
Well I want a housekeeper.
That way, the housekeeper can also look after the puppy when we're at work - it's a win-win situation!
Ya, I know, not really - but it seemed like a good idea while I was writing it, hehe!

I'm tired, people. My colleague/boss has been off for 3 weeks now and it's been one thing after another here at work and I'm just utterly exhausted.
Oh, what I would give to be able to stop working and be a full-time writer...!
Only, being a writer entails a lot of writing, doesn't it? Something I haven't been inspired to do a lot of lately.
And yet another glitch in yet another plan.

Perhaps I should stop making plans.

Hubby might disagree - I am designated Chief Planner, Navigator and Communications Officer for our upcoming Ride Round euRope bike trip. (How d'ya like that for a title? I agree - not great. Still open to suggestions people!)
So far my planning consists of:
1. Having a rough idea of our route, i.e. doing a big circle starting and ending in France.

Perhaps I should take this weekend to think about it a little more. I have all the time in the world, since Hubby is off on his own preparations this weekend. He and 75 other bikers are doing a tour around Ireland. It's a trip called The Whole Way Round and it's all in aid of charity. It'll also give him a good idea of the bike's fuel consumption on long stretches and... OK, so he's going for fun, not for preparation. I just hope he - and the bike - come back in one piece.

And with that, working hours have begun so I gotta get, well, working, I guess. Have a great weekend everyone!

Monday, July 10, 2006

It's Time For Plan B

The bad news is our phone line is still not connected.
The worse news is that when it eventually does get connected it will take up to a further two weeks before our Broadband connection is up and running. This means up to three weeks or more of no blogging from home.


No use crying over spilt milk or disconnected Internet, though, so I have devised a cunning plan to combat this problem.

Now that the new house is pretty much unpacked and sorted, I have dusted off the ol’ laptop and will see how it goes if I type up blogs and sort photos at home, save them onto a nifty little USB memory stick I have on my keyring, and attempt to post the stuff from work. Time permitting, of course. We all know I am far too diligent to be doing personal stuff like Blogging when I am supposed to be working. But lunch-hours exist for a reason, right? Well, for a while, this is going to be my reason. So without any further ado, I shall share with you some photos I’ve taken over the last couple of weeks, ‘cos they came out nicely and you know how much I like pretty pictures!

This was a little birdie who was hanging around our house last week. He was just learning to fly and wasn't afraid of us at all. Look at him all fluffy and cuddly and stuff!

These are some of the rose bushes Hubby planted during the week. Pretty eh?

And finally, I was sitting outside in my garden one perfect evening having a smoke and playing with my camera, and these are some of the results:

Cool eh?

And now for a special treat, you get 2 posts in 1 day!

Brooding silences

I was sitting in the waiting room at the chiropractor on Saturday, watching a woman with a baby. She was barely a toddler so I guess she must’ve been between a year and 18 months old. This was a beautiful child – fine blonde hair, blue eyes and a gorgeous smile. Alert, too. Everyone chuckled when the phone rang and she very seriously pointed to it while looking at the receptionist, as if to say, “You need to answer the phone, lady.”

It was all too cute and she was making those giggly, gurgly noises that cause women to go, “Aaah!”
Including me, as disinclined as I am to have kids of my own.

I must’ve been at a weak point, hormonally speaking, because I actually got broody for a moment. Since I was waiting for my appointment and had nothing better to do, I allowed myself to indulge in this feeling for a while and my mind wandered over to never-land, thinking what it might be like to have a soft, sweet child like that of my own.

My logical brain was trying very hard to stop these thoughts. I could almost hear it shouting, “No! You don’t want that!”

My biological clock - which I assume is what allowed this moment to happen in the first place - merely tick-tocked a little louder, drowning out that voice enough for me not to take any notice of it.

However… Moments later, the child fell over and banged herself on something – not hard, because I didn’t hear a thud – and all hell broke loose. That little bundle of joy took a deep breath, then another and then another, until I thought she might pop if she didn’t let some of it out. And then she cried – nay, she screamed; that sobbing, piercing scream that only babies seem able to accomplish.

Moment over, biological clock silenced in an instant as I remembered why I don’t have children, hehe! Thanks, but no thanks, I’m quite happy with my sanity and my hearing (almost) intact!

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

still here?

Well this is just ridiculous. I haven't posted anything for a whole week!
Not for lack of wanting to, mind you, but there seems to be a conspiracy going here between the phone company and my job.
But as I may have mentioned before - I'm nothing if not stubborn!
So today, my friends, I AM going to post this, come hell or high water, or whatever work may throw at me.
Which, just for the record, has been all sorts of crises for the past week or so, hence my silence in blogland.

Only trouble is I don't know what to post. After a week of nothing one kind of feels one should come out with a real zinger of a post, know what I mean? And I got sweet nuthin' inspirational to say.

We've moved into our new house and after almost a week of utter chaos, falling over boxes, not being able to find anything, plus having the place covered in dust and old curtains to protect the carpets while we had someone lay flooring in the attic so we can use it for storage, the place finally resembles a home.
Here's a tip for you: Getting someone to convert your attic into usable space at the same time as you're moving into a house is probably not the best idea, timing-wise.

Nonetheless I am a very happy bunny, enjoying my new kitchen with my new pots and new matching chopping board, kettle, toaster, blah blah and also having our own little patch of grass and flowers outside to enjoy the (very) occasional sunshine.
(Uh, 'scuse the grammar, I'm sorta typing this up as it falls out my head here and if this thing is ever gonna get posted I'm not going to be wasting time editing it.)

Work, on the other hand, is being a complete pain in the ass at the moment. Crisis after crisis and my poor nerves are frayed almost into non-existence.

In fact, I had a terribly unprofessional outburst at a colleague last friday... he REALLY p*ssed me off! I asked him a simple yes/no question and he started to launch into a really long story in an attempt to exonerate himself from something he thought I might be accusing him of, which I wasn't, and being a tad short on time and patience I blew my top at him in a rather large way. It wasn't a pretty sight, and it made me realise just how tired & stressed I was feeling.
But a weekend arrived and I felt much better on Monday morning - even went and apologised to the poor lad, who was still reeling in shock, I think.

{Would someone please explain why I'm receiving up to 20 spam emails a day from people trying to sell me viagra???! It's terribly distracting seeing these notifications pop up every few minutes while I'm trying to type up this blog post!}

However I'm still feeling a little off-center. My irritation levels are way up and I'm trying really hard not to let that show. I'm so very, very tired - I feel like I can't get enough sleep even though I get 7-8 hours a night, and when I go to bed I end up lying awake for ages before falling asleep. Mostly though I'm feeling a little emotionally wrecked. Perhaps I just need a holiday. But also, I've been missing hearing from my blog buddies. A LOT. I didn't realise how much I enjoy this interaction. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not a hermit in the 'real' world. But I think I'm really guarded with people. I don't want to give too much of myself away for fear of being hurt. (This is great stuff for the shrink's couch, isn't it?!) Ah sure, you guys know what I mean - no need to embellish any more.
Not that lack of blogging is the cause of my unbalanced emotions - at least I hope not otherwise I have bigger problems than I thought, LOL!

And with that, my friends, I'd better get this thing posted. Lunchtime is almost over and I can smell another crisis looming, pffft!
Hold thumbs that things calm down soon so I can go check out a couple of blogs soon. I feel completely out of touch. Never before has having an internet connection at home featured so high on my list of priorities!

But I'm still here, in case you were wondering, and I will be back!