Recipe for disaster?

Ingredients:
- A decision that I need to be more assertive in life.
- A pet hate of bullies, or being bullied in any shape or form.
- A high level of irritibility
- A percieved bully
Method:
Mix together on a dark, cold winter morning when caffeine levels are particularly low in a commuter train.
Stand well clear.

Some years back a friend of mine insinuated that I have a 'weak' character. I believe her exact words to me were, "I am much stronger than you." Knowing her as I did, I decided against arguing with her at the time, for a few reasons. You see, I knew nothing I said would change her opinion so I figured it would be a waste of energy to push the point. I don't like arguing with people like that. I don't like arguing, period. In my heart, I felt she was wrong and that it takes a different kind of strength to ignore silly disputes, not make issues out of them, and just say ,"Yeah, whatever" and move on. I felt I was right. But perhaps she saw that aspect of my personality - staying silent instead of arguing - as weakness. Who knows?
The trouble is, a few years down the line, it has come to my attention that it is not always in my best interests to avoid confrontation and conflict at all costs. Over the years, continually keeping quiet about things has caused a certain amount of internal conflict and, I suppose, a fair bit of anger to build up. It's not healthy to keep it all in, all the time. This is something I am trying to work on... being more assertive - not necessarily aggressive, mind you - but just making myself heard... so as to avoid the volcano effect, where one day I end up completely blowing my top due to a major shift far beneath the surface, y'know?

Don't ask me how, but I am aware that this ties in somehow with my intense dislike of bullies. Nothing annoys me more than people who force themselves or their opinions on other people. In the same way a Staffordshire Terrier has no concept of size and will tackle the biggest dog around in the course of defending what they see as their domain, there have been times when I have stood up to people twice my size when they have tried to bully me or anyone I care about. Oddly enough, bullies normally back down immediately if you stand up to them.
This is my belief.

So, fast forward to this morning;
It was dark;
It was freezing cold (literally ... 1 below zero when I left home to walk to the train);
My irritation levels had started going up yesterday already, partly due to hormones, I'm sure, and partly due to people like the blonde bimbette who started yesterday morning off by pushing in front of me in the queue for tickets. Yes, I know - get over it, right?
Only, the trouble is, once the irritation levels start to rise, they tend to increase exponentially with every minor annoyance that crosses my path. I'm sure at least some of you know what I'm talking about.

Back to this morning on the train...
I was as comfortable as I could be in my seat next to the window, half-dozing as I listened to my MP3 player. A girl sat down opposite me, and her boyfriend plonked himself on the seat next to me. A large lad, he then proceeded to bump me a few times as he shoved his hands into his jacket pockets... which of course made him expand sideways even further.
And suddenly I wasn't comfortable anymore.
The man was In My Space.
I pushed myself as far into the corner by the window as possible, but I still couldn't sit back in my seat without feeling him rubbing against my shoulder.
Hoping to drop the hint that he was crowding me, I shot him a dirty look or two.
No dice.

You know that feeling when something annoys you, and the more you think about it the more your blood begins to boil, and you find you're clenching your jaw and your heart starts beating faster and you hear a rushing noise in your ears and you realise you're Getting Really Angry Now...?
No?
Oh.
Well, I do, and I did.
At which point something inside my head decided in its infinite wisdom that what this neanderthol was doing was in fact a form of bullying.
This guy thought that just because he was bigger than me, he could do what he liked and push me out of my space.

Hence, the recipe for disaster was born.

Actually, I thought I was quite polite, all things considered.
I yanked the earphone out of my ear and asked him if he'd like to swap seats, that way he could sit opposite his girlfriend and quit squashing me against the window. The way I saw it, I would then have an aisle seat which would leave me more room to move and he'd be able to see her more clearly, or whatever.
But of course the dumb asshole took offense and said something like,
"Oh if I was squashin' ya against da winda' ya'd know about it, I promise ya!"

Er, does that sound like a threat to you?
'Cos it did to me.

Now, I'd like to tell you how I felled him with one swift, well-placed blow, but I would, in fact, be lying.

As tempting as it was [I actually had one of those "Ally McBeal" moments where I visualised myself beating his head to a pulp with my bare hands], I did the prudent thing instead, and as calmly as I could I just explained my reasoning again.
[Also, I had realised by then that he was probably about 6'4" and not exactly a weenie, despite the glasses]

You know, I got the distinct impression he was pissed off - in fairness, I probably would have been if I were in his place, but I really did feel justified - but I also felt in my gut that he was trying to intimidate me for speaking my mind in public. Only, it didn't work. I don't get intimidated by bullies, I get angry.

Nonetheless, that was where it ended. [sigh]
He declined my kind offer, muttering that he was getting off in a few minutes anyway.
I don't know if he heard me say, "Good!" because I stuffed my earphone back in my ear and spent the rest of the journey staring out the window, looking stern and pissed off.

And for all his objections, he shifted slightly and I felt not a nudge from him again.
The person who took his place after he left perched on the edge of the seat, as far away from me as possible.
In hindsight, it was actually quite funny because you could almost feel the other people in the carriage shrinking into their seats, trying to get as far away from a Potential Incident as possible.
Wimps!
;-)

So okay, this was probably not the best or most subtle way for me to begin asserting myself, but I gotta tellya, I felt better for having said something, however inappropriate or misguided you or he or anyone else may think I was.
So there... Get over it!