Sunday, September 10, 2006

I can't help falling..

I fell down the stairs this morning. That'll teach me for, uh, getting up to make coffee. Don't worry, apart from a sore shoulder, skew neck and bruised back I'm okay. Really I'm only surprised it hasn't happened sooner.

The other day the local radio station invited people to text in their experiences of embarrassing falls they may have had, prompted by a story told by the lady presenter of a wedding she had attended that weekend. Apparently she had decided - no doubt emboldened by a couple of pints - that she was a world-class dancer, and had launched herself across the dance floor into the arms of her one-and-only... only he wasn't quite on the same wavelength and had failed to, well, catch her, sending her plummeting in her fancy outfit into a heap on said dance floor, head first.

My own beloved wanted to send a message in, along the lines of, "My wife falls down so often I think she is more likely to be surprised to find she is standing up".

While some may think this is a mean thing to say about the woman you love, I have to admit it's not far from the truth. Perhaps I should share some anecdotes to illustrate the point.

I think I'll start with this one...
Picture it: a svelte twenty-something Terri, all dressed up in pretty sandals and evening dress, attending the company Christmas dinner at a posh restaurant. All was going well and I had only had one glass of wine (yes, really!), when I decided to step outside for a cigarette. It was midsummer in South Africa and it was just dark out. A light drizzle had arrived to cool the evening down after the heat of the day. Pay attention now, because this is your lesson for the day: Pretty sandals, glossy floor tiles and light rain do not make for a particularly gripping situation and in one not-so-elegant misstep I tumbled down, landing with a sharp CRACK on my right knee. What escaped my mouth was not particularly elegant either, and the sight of my boss rushing towards me in consternation did nothing to help my humour. It hurt like hell, and all I could say, while rubbing my knee and trying not to lose consciousness from the pain was, "Don't touch me! Don't. Touch. Me!"
Embarrassing, you think?

How about diving nose-first into the couch after my rubber-soled shoe sort of got stuck on the floor (I don't know how, but it left a skid-mark!)? Thank goodness the couch was there to break my fall before my nose could break the floor. Ah well, at least only Hubby was there to witness that one. He had the good grace to wait until I started laughing before he exploded with mirth.

Unlike the time, shortly after our arrival in Ireland, when we went a-walking in Howth, a beautiful harbour on the North side of Dublin. If you walk to the top of the hill, the view over the little town by the sea and the Island just a little way off, is quite breathtaking. In Summertime that part of the world is always filled with tourists. This particular day we were on our way back down the hill. Yours truly, distracted by the pretty view, wasn't watching where she was walking. I stepped in a pot-hole in the road and the next thing I knew I was face down on the ground in the midst of a group of Spanish tourists, all of them enquiring as to my well-being. I guess that's what they were saying, anyway, judging by the concern on their faces, since I don't speak Spanish. Grrrr! If I wasn't so sore (that dreaded right knee again) and grazed from the tarmac I would have been Really Pissed Off.

And I'm sure I don't need to remind you of my attempts at skiing earlier this year, but in case you've forgotten, the easiest way thing to do is watch "Bridget Jones - The Edge of Reason", specifically the part where she goes on a skiing mini-break with Mark Darcy. It was on TV on Friday night and I just sat there with my mouth open thinking, "That's Me! I know exactly how that feels!" And to think the first time I saw that movie I thought the scriptwriters were exaggerating.

Yep, I'm pretty much always sporting a bruise somewhere on my body. If I'm not falling over something, I'm tripping over nothing. Uh-huh, it's true: I have been known to trip over mere shadows on the ground. More than once. Then there are all those hazardous corners on desks, counters, beds, chairs - you name it, I've walked into it. I once went to work with a massive bruise on my forehead - I genuinely did walk into a door. It's amazing how difficult it is to convince people that this actually happens. Of course, once people have spent any length of time in my company it's much easier because my klutziness is pretty apparent.

I think it's a spatial awareness thing. Apparently I don't have any.
Ah well, I guess everyone has at least one downfall in life ;)


LiVEwiRe said...

You and your dangerous coffee-making habit! Will you ever learn? Haha. I have to say that hubby's comment was pretty clever, and I feel comfortable saying that because I have the same lack of spatial awareness that you do (in combination with vertigo). One of my most notable, or at least noisy, falls was when I was only 12 or so. Imagine a beautiful outdoor church that has a service held only once a year for literally hundreds at a time in the midst of some religious festival of sorts. Getting to the church part of it meant that you had to walk down two flights of stairs into a clearing in the woods. Some bright family member asked my me and my cousin to retrieve to folding chairs from the car and on the way down, I lost my footing. Must've been one of those shadows you spoke of. I tumbled down half a flight of stairs and thankfully landed on my feet. Unfortunately, the chairs were made partially of metal and it made such a racket that not only did every pair of eyes turn around but the service stopped altogether. Ugh! Fortunately I had my seven year old cousin there to stare at and said 'wow, be careful, ok?!' Heehee... this may have something to do with my avoidance of church services as this wasn't the only fall I sustained whilst in a holy venue. ;) Also, never forget that you can always blame any fall on a gravity surge, such as... 'Yeah, I'm fine. Must've been one of those Gravity Surges they had that article on in Discover/Popular Science magazine.'

kyknoord said...

Heavy, man. As long as you, like, understand the gravity of the situation, okay?

angel said...

at least you know where the friggin bruises come from- i get in the bath and find a couple of new ones and i'm clueless as to how they got there!

BUDDESS said...

heeheehee!!! Hey Kyk, don't forget she lives in Terriland and the gravity seems to be leaking somewhere!!! heeheehee - You are definately not alone here Terri!! I am also always covered in bruises, not from falling down, but I also tend to walk into things A LOT!!! Maybe now would be a good time to have the old eyes tested. (mine, at least)

Spookie the Warrior said...

Hee - sounds like me! I have fallen on the stairs at work at least 6 times! And i fell when I was pregnant once too - I landed on my knees in the gravel - EINA!! Not a serious fall - but my knees suffered none the less. I cannot remember off hand any other falls - but I am sure Hubby will be able to remind me of a few...LOL!! Hope your shoulder, neck and back are better soon. Ouch!

anne said...

You could launch a new trend: start wearing knee pads all the time, especially when you're wearing a skirt, especially when said skirt is short - it's bound to catch.

Reluctant Nomad said...

A bruise every other day
Keeps your colour in play

beadinggalinMS said...

I shall pass on to you my knickname when I worked at the furniture factory. It was Grace. I was always tripping over nothing or doing something so my boss knicknamed me Grace. :)

ChittyChittyBangBang! said...

You do seem to have a special relationship, and a painful one at that, with Mother Earth.
Kinda like the one I have with walking into other people.

Terri said...

LiVEwIre - Gravity surges? I must remember that one!

Kyknoord - LOL! Life would be so dull without your witty comments ;)

Angel - Oh believe me darlin', that happens to me a LOT too. Falling down the stairs I tend to remember though.

Buddess - Or maybe not. If you get your eyes tested & they're OK, or if you get glasses, you'll no longer have a good excuse for walking into things hehe!

Spookie - My goodness, girl, we should wrap you up in bubble-wrap!

Anne - Ooh, my own fashion line! We'll call it "Trippin' Terri" will we?!

Nomad - Aye, but blue is not really my colour :(

Beads - Grace, LOL!!! I love it!!

Chitty - ... and don't forget, glass doors ;)

jason evans said...

Oh, gosh, Terri, I don't mean to laugh, but those were some great stories!

Don't hurt yourself now, or I'll feel bad! :)

Terri said...

Jason - Don't feel bad about laughing - you wouldn't be the only one to do so! The good news is I don't appear to have suffered any long-term ill-effects. At least, not this time...

DelBoy said...

Welcome back to the high speed world Cuz!

Your post brought tears of laughter. It must be a family thing; I fall over often too!! And I don't even have to be on my bike or pissed!

Bosbefok said...

And to think you were a ballerina !! Hmffff Go figure ?.
I noticed you left out the one about the Carpet braces ? Hahahaha :-)

Terri said...

Del - I'm so glad to hear that there might be a genetic reason for this! :-)

Bosbefok - Strangely, I never fell when I was dancing. Well maybe not never but certainly never during a performance! {Pointedly ignores the last bit of your comment.}

Dawn said...

I fall on a fairly regular basis for different reasons to you, but fall I do ... usually looking like I have a sudden urge to rugby tackle ... no-one! On my sencond day in Austria for a week's long ski trip - I ended up in a cast from my toes to the top of my leg -and I hadn't even put skis on ... that was from crossing the road. It's great that you can laugh at yourself. Hope the aches and bruises heal up fast.

-Ann said...

Wow. And I thought I was bad. That pretty much surpasses me in falls although I am probably more careless/clumsy in general. A frequent occurance in our house:

*big crashy bangy possibly with breaky sounds*

Peter: Are you alright?

Me: yes

Peter: You have to be more careful!

Terri said...

Dawn - Yep, must be all the practise cos I bounced back (haha!) really quickly.

-Ann - hehe, sounds all too familiar, only mine normally goes more like this:
{bang/crash/thud} "Ow, f*%&!"
... brief silence ...
Hubby: "You OK Love?"
Me: "Yeah, fine, no worries."
Hubby? "Hahahahaha..!