Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Oh Sh*t!

I was debating whether or not to share this with the world but in the end my big mouth and inability to shut up won out.
I had one of those experiences that you think only happens in the movies this weekend while I was in London. Li'l Sis and I seem prone to this kind of thing which is probably why we end up laughing so much when we get together.

I had only been in her flat about half an hour when I needed to use the bathroom.
"Sit carefully," she said, a little sheepishly. "The seat is quite loose and tends to shift a bit."
So I sat carefully. All was going well until I twisted to reach for the loo paper, at which point the world seemed to tilt. Actually it was just the toilet seat. "Shift a bit"??? Hell, the thing went skidding sideways so fast I almost ended up on the floor. It wouldn't have been so bad except in the midst of me trying to regain my balance (not easy when one is in a partial squat, I can tell you) I heard a distinct "click-plonk" noise.
You know, I'm always so careful when I go to the loo that I don't have anything loose on me or in pockets that could fall in. Apparently you never can be too careful.
A brief investigation revealed that the source of the "click-plonk" was the little plastic thingy that clips onto the side of the bowl to freshen and fragrance the potty with every flush. You know the one I'm talking about. Well at some point during the seat's attempted getaway it had dislodged said plastic thingy, causing it to "click" loose from its mooring and "plonk" into the toilet-bowl. Which was where it now sat, taunting me.
"Er, Sis, we may have something of a dilemma," said I, poking my head around the door. She was laughing already even though she had no idea what had happened. My loud, "Oh Shit!" from behind closed doors had tipped her off that her warning hadn't had the desired effect.
"What's the problem?" she wanted to know, trying very hard to sound sympathetic and understanding and helpful, but failing miserably by bursting into cackling laughter when I told her Where Things Stood.
When she was able to speak again, we had to decide: Fish it or Flush it?
I would have preferred the Flush option but for practical reasons (or perhaps becuase my Li'l Sis loves to see me in awkward Ally McBeal-type situations) we had to go with the Fishing option instead.
What a pleasant job. First I tried the toilet-brush, but that was no good cos you couldn't really get a grip on the thing. Eventually Sis came up with a better plan - an old pair of rubber gloves that she was getting ready to throw out anyway. And up came the lavender-scented offending item... but not before slipping out of my hand no less than TWICE before I was able to carry it to safety. And then I noticed that there was yet another strange object lying in the bottom of the loo (despite the obvious... please, ppl, I'm trying to keep this as clean as possible!). Since I was getting the hang of this thing, I fished it out too - turned out to be one of the porcelain bits that holds the seat onto the loo at the sides. The whole damn thing had broken off.
Yep, that's me. The epitome of elegance.
And for Sis, "ROTFL"* has taken on a whole new meaning.

*[cyberspace's favourite acronym: ROTFL = "Roll On The Floor Laughing", for those of you not familiar with cyber-speak]


anne said...

I know that Livewire is going to love this.
So what does ROTFL stand for now - roll off the f*ing loo?

beadinggalinMS said...

Happy Valentine's Day Terri!!

ChittyChittyBangBang! said...

Hahaha... I am happy to know these things also happen to other "normal" people.
To be honest, I would have flushed and hoped for the best.

Jeff said...

Terri- I laughed through this entire story because it's just the sort of stuff that happens to me!
Thanks for my first good laugh of the day! :)

Reluctant Nomad said...

Perhaps she'll think twice about having you visit again? Or maybe the laugh factor will want her having you there more often?

veri word: rflgn - rotfling - sometimes it really gets it right!

Spookie the Warrior said...

O man Terri! That was funny!!! My mom in law has a dodgey loo like that, but has never had it fixed in 8 years, I am now PRO at balnacing on a loose toilet seat - heh heh.

Spookie the Warrior said...

erm - thats balancing - not balnacing (ball nacking??) lol!!

Spookie the Warrior said...

Hi, me again. Angel, from Angels Mind asked me to tell you that she saw your comment and she loves your blog and she will comment on your blog as soon as she is able.



kyknoord said...

Does this mean you're going to start your own line of Eau de Toilette?

Terri said...

Anne, sometimes you can be a real potty-mouth ;-)

Beadinggal, And to you!

Chitty, I was tempted but I could only imagine what havoc might've ensued if the thing had got stuck or blocked the pipes, especially considering how my luck was running.

Jeff, yes it's nice to laugh at other people for a change, isn't it?!

Reluctant Nomad, she can't wait to have me back - laughing at me is one of her favourite pastimes!

Just Me - 8 Years???! And erm... fortunately being a girl 'n all I didn't have to worry about ball nacking lol!
Thx for the message from Angel (wow, you're Angel's messenger, how cool is that?!)

Kyknoord - Sure. I've no doubt you'd have one or two suggestions for a name, smartass!

DelBoy said...

Well done Cuz. Never one to let the side down. Your side of the family that is!!

Underachiever said...

Hahahaha! This was too funny.

I loved it!

Undr(Toilet seat mishap expert)

Lori said...

Oh Terri it happens to the best of us, unfortunetly I knocked a candle off the back of the toliet while it was flushing and I had to replace the whole toliet there was no way of getting the candle out it was wedged in LOL.

Ben O. said...

Klink plonk? That is really funny. I'm not laughing At you per se . . . but I am laughing.

Ben O.

LiVEwiRe said...

Oh hell, I'm laughing like crazy! At least you didn't fall off, hit your head, get knocked out... only to have her find you on the floor pants down! =)

Aquila said...

Remind me please to leave my cellphone or laptop outside the loo, incase I get to use the same facilities.

Haha - thanks for a fun read - brightened up my afternoon.

BUDDESS said...

Now this is so Terri!!! I almost expected you to find your cellphone down there. I have just had a very similar experience at work of all places. There was also an "Oh Shit" and simply said "Don't ask" to the five enquiring faces waiting in the hallway. Then I get to my desk and read this and now I am laughing at you and me!!!!

Bosbefok said...

Damn T , you sure are an accident waiting for a place to happen :-)
Do you LOOK for these things or are they just drawn to you from the 4 corners of the universe ??
I swear, if there is one bump in the floor or road you will trip on it.... what am i saying ? Ive seen you trip on a perfectly level floor with no bumps :-) You gotta tell the one about the nose-dive into the couch.... !!
Talking of laughs, hows about a look at my "new idea" on my blog ?

Terri said...

Del - Oh, so now it's 'your side' vs 'my side' of the family is it?! ;-)

Undr - And I didn't even have to make it up.

Lori - See, that's exactly why we went for the Fish option!

Ben - That's ok. I'm kinda used to causing laughter. At, with - it's all the same really ;-)

Livewire - Good point! I thought u might enjoy this one :-)

Aquila - Hi there! What a post for you to, er, drop in on... glad to brighten your day.

Buddess - lol! Glad I'm not alone!

Bosbefok, my one and only, light of my life... One clutzy story at a time else these people will think I'm making it up ;-)

jason evans said...

I really avoid fishing those waters.

Terri said...

Jason... yeah, I don't really think I'll be making a habit of it myself...