Oh Sh*t!

I was debating whether or not to share this with the world but in the end my big mouth and inability to shut up won out.

I had one of those experiences that you think only happens in the movies this weekend while I was in London. Li'l Sis and I seem prone to this kind of thing which is probably why we end up laughing so much when we get together.

I had only been in her flat about half an hour when I needed to use the bathroom.

"Sit carefully," she said, a little sheepishly. "The seat is quite loose and tends to shift a bit."

So I sat carefully. All was going well until I twisted to reach for the loo paper, at which point the world seemed to tilt. Actually it was just the toilet seat. "Shift a bit"??? Hell, the thing went skidding sideways so fast I almost ended up on the floor. It wouldn't have been so bad except in the midst of me trying to regain my balance (not easy when one is in a partial squat, I can tell you) I heard a distinct "click-plonk" noise.

{*sigh*}

You know, I'm always so careful when I go to the loo that I don't have anything loose on me or in pockets that could fall in. Apparently you never can be too careful.

A brief investigation revealed that the source of the "click-plonk" was the little plastic thingy that clips onto the side of the bowl to freshen and fragrance the potty with every flush. You know the one I'm talking about. Well at some point during the seat's attempted getaway it had dislodged said plastic thingy, causing it to "click" loose from its mooring and "plonk" into the toilet-bowl. Which was where it now sat, taunting me.

"Er, Sis, we may have something of a dilemma," said I, poking my head around the door. She was laughing already even though she had no idea what had happened. My loud, "Oh Shit!" from behind closed doors had tipped her off that her warning hadn't had the desired effect.

"What's the problem?" she wanted to know, trying very hard to sound sympathetic and understanding and helpful, but failing miserably by bursting into cackling laughter when I told her Where Things Stood.

When she was able to speak again, we had to decide: Fish it or Flush it?

I would have preferred the Flush option but for practical reasons (or perhaps becuase my Li'l Sis loves to see me in awkward Ally McBeal-type situations) we had to go with the Fishing option instead.

What a pleasant job. First I tried the toilet-brush, but that was no good cos you couldn't really get a grip on the thing. Eventually Sis came up with a better plan - an old pair of rubber gloves that she was getting ready to throw out anyway. And up came the lavender-scented offending item... but not before slipping out of my hand no less than TWICE before I was able to carry it to safety. And then I noticed that there was yet another strange object lying in the bottom of the loo (despite the obvious... please, ppl, I'm trying to keep this as clean as possible!). Since I was getting the hang of this thing, I fished it out too - turned out to be one of the porcelain bits that holds the seat onto the loo at the sides. The whole damn thing had broken off.

Yep, that's me. The epitome of elegance.

And for Sis, "ROTFL"* has taken on a whole new meaning.

*[cyberspace's favourite acronym: ROTFL = "Roll On The Floor Laughing", for those of you not familiar with cyber-speak]