Thursday, October 13, 2005

I'm chasing shadows

I'm sitting at work with stuff to do but am really battling to motivate myself to do it. I just don't wanna.
Instead, I am feeling unsettled and driven by an overwhelming urge to write. I don't know what it is I want to write about, all I know is that the feeling has come over me. Something is welling up inside and wants to spill itself out onto paper, or in this case, a blank white screen. Ideas - no, not ideas, feelings are flitting across my mind, just out of my line of sight, and my consciousness attempts to grab at them as they dance past, but they escape as shadows escape the hands of a child. There is a yearning for something undefined, reminding me of the mornings when I wake up with an awareness of something threatening or scary that has disturbed my dreams, yet I cannot remember what it was. It is the same, yet opposite.


I feel tired, but at the same time hyper. My nerve-endings are tingling and it's as if there is too much energy inside my head, while not enough in my body. Is it the feeling of creativity needing to express itself? Or merely the onset of what D calls my 'melancholy'? I hope it is the former, and fear it is the latter. Although sometimes I think the two are inextricably linked. It is when these moods come over me that I am able to sit down and write for hours on end without a break, the words pour out of me through pen or keyboard almost too fast for me to keep up, and I need not stop for food or even coffee.
Well, maybe coffee, occasionally.

But to sit in front of a PC at work doing logical, technical tasks is pure torture. Nonetheless, I suppose am pretty good at these tasks, and the work is a necessary evil. It pays the bills and will probably continue to do so, at the very least until someone realises that instead of disabling old user accounts on our systems, I am sitting here indulging my need to ramble.

6 comments:

Underachiever said...

MC Terror Terri:(Rap name)

Umm... The feelings you're describing can only mean one thing: You have a crush on me. Don't worry it'll pass.

Or maybe it's just gas, which will also pass.

Nub,

Undr(Idiot)

PS Seriously, Terr, I love the line:

"feelings are flitting across my mind, just out of my line of sight, and my consciousness attempts to grab at them as they dance past, but they escape as shadows escape the hands of a child."

Write Away oh princess of the quill!

LiVEwiRe said...

Love the rap name. =) You know, we all need to indulge ourselves a little - if this is your way, it is a benefit to us all.

(Have you noticed that sooo many people have had a case of the 'blahs' lately?)

Terri said...

Undr - Gas, huh? Stand back everyone, she's gonna blow!!!!
~MC Terror Terri (princess of the quill)
I like :-)

LiVEwIRe - Seems to be the season for the 'blahs' as u so accurately describe them. Must be something in the water. Or the air. Or CNN.

BUDDESS said...

So glad to see this something isn't only in the SA air. I call it spring fever. Time for change and new beginnings!! Sit back and enjoy.

Terri said...

Hm. Except it's autumn here.

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