The weather matches my mood today

It has been dark and grey and rainy all day.

I'm sad today.
I'm allowed to be sad sometimes, aren't I?
Well today I have good reason to be sad.

My Mom and Big Sis left Dublin today and I don't know when I'm going to see them again. I was doing quite well at keeping control of myself until I hugged Big Sis goodbye and then I saw her tears, which set off my own tears and the chain reaction sparked the same from Mom, and the poor taxi driver stood there shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot while the 3 of us blubbered and sniffled and tried to be gruff in an attempt to control the pain of saying goodbye again.
There are times when I think it would just be better if I didn't see them at all. After moving here just over 4 years ago, it hurt so much having left them behind, that gradually, unconciously, I taught myself to not feel anything. Emotions were choked back and strangled as soon as they started, locked away behind a huge wall. Which is all very well until I see those people I miss most. Then, the wall is not strong or high enough and it may as well be made from tissue paper for all its effectiveness. And every time I have to say goodbye again it gets a little harder and I don't think my heart can take much more sadness or pain.
But I'll carry on. Perhaps when I go home tonight I'll have a good cry and perhaps it will make me feel a bit better.
Or perhaps not.
I'll carry on anyway.



But on a completely unrelated note, and in an attempt to lift the mood of this morbid post a little, I think I'll do a bit of horn-tooting quickly.

I'll wait for a moment while you all pick your minds up out of the gutter.... u with me again? Good.

A few months back I wrote a short story and submitted it for a competition. Don't ask me why, I wasn't myself and it seemed like a good idea at the time. I only told 2 people, and felt silly afterwards because it, well, seemed like a silly thing to do.
Imagine my utter disbelief when on my return from Paris to find a letter from the competition organizers congratulating me on winning 5th prize for my short story... and enclosed was a cheque for £50!
Elation doesn't even begin to describe how I felt! I still haven't banked the cheque, I'm just carrying it around at the moment as proof that I don't absolutely suck at writing... especially considering that actually I'm not a writer, but a techie.
Yay me!
I'm not usually one to brag, but I'm so chuffed with myself & just wanted to share this with u guys because, well, just because I can.

And no doubt my melancholy mood will lift soon and I'll be back to something as closely resembling normal as I can be.