Monday, October 10, 2005

The weather matches my mood today

It has been dark and grey and rainy all day.

I'm sad today.
I'm allowed to be sad sometimes, aren't I?
Well today I have good reason to be sad.

My Mom and Big Sis left Dublin today and I don't know when I'm going to see them again. I was doing quite well at keeping control of myself until I hugged Big Sis goodbye and then I saw her tears, which set off my own tears and the chain reaction sparked the same from Mom, and the poor taxi driver stood there shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot while the 3 of us blubbered and sniffled and tried to be gruff in an attempt to control the pain of saying goodbye again.
There are times when I think it would just be better if I didn't see them at all. After moving here just over 4 years ago, it hurt so much having left them behind, that gradually, unconciously, I taught myself to not feel anything. Emotions were choked back and strangled as soon as they started, locked away behind a huge wall. Which is all very well until I see those people I miss most. Then, the wall is not strong or high enough and it may as well be made from tissue paper for all its effectiveness. And every time I have to say goodbye again it gets a little harder and I don't think my heart can take much more sadness or pain.
But I'll carry on. Perhaps when I go home tonight I'll have a good cry and perhaps it will make me feel a bit better.
Or perhaps not.
I'll carry on anyway.

'Bye girls...

But on a completely unrelated note, and in an attempt to lift the mood of this morbid post a little, I think I'll do a bit of horn-tooting quickly.

I'll wait for a moment while you all pick your minds up out of the gutter.... u with me again? Good.

A few months back I wrote a short story and submitted it for a competition. Don't ask me why, I wasn't myself and it seemed like a good idea at the time. I only told 2 people, and felt silly afterwards because it, well, seemed like a silly thing to do.
Imagine my utter disbelief when on my return from Paris to find a letter from the competition organizers congratulating me on winning 5th prize for my short story... and enclosed was a cheque for £50!
Elation doesn't even begin to describe how I felt! I still haven't banked the cheque, I'm just carrying it around at the moment as proof that I don't absolutely suck at writing... especially considering that actually I'm not a writer, but a techie.
Yay me!
I'm not usually one to brag, but I'm so chuffed with myself & just wanted to share this with u guys because, well, just because I can.

And no doubt my melancholy mood will lift soon and I'll be back to something as closely resembling normal as I can be.


HarleyWriter said...

Congrats on the contest! That's great!

Sorry you're sad though.

anne said...

Well done! We knew you were good, though. :)
And hopefully you'll feel better soon.

FreeThinker said...


Can you share your winning story on your blog?

Terri said...

Harley - Thanks, and ... thanks :-)

Anne - See, that's why I told u - great for the ego! And I'm sure I'll feel better soon. Like I said, sometimes it's OK to feel sad.

Freethinker - Welcome, and ta very much. I might just do that - er, how much blog space does 2000 words take up?

Ben O. said...

Way to go Terri - so cool about your short story. I would love to read it.

Nice - Ben O.

Lori said...

Congrats!!! on the story.
I know when ever Linda or my brother visits and then leaves we always do the crying thing.

LiVEwiRe said...

Goodbyes are difficult, especially when you are going against the grain by trying to be tough and teach yourself not to feel. As you said, the feelings will flood over leaving you with no control over them. I do hope that the pain eases quickly. This thing with tears must be in the air lately, eh? =)

As for this writing of yours... CONGRATS! That is amazing! I'm so glad you had the courage to submit a piece; perhaps this will open a new door for you. I've always thought about doing that but never managed to. I'm so happy for you! Make a copy of the check so you can frame it before you cash it! =)

Underachiever said...

Sorry you're sad Terri.

I would love to read your story. I'm sure in Undr's Short Story Contest it would win first prize. Except I would just send you an autographed picture of David Hasselhof's Cousin Lyman.

Undr(email me the story or not)

Terri said...

Ben - Thx; U might yet live to regret saying that ;-)

Lori - I wonder if its worse if its your twin?

LiVEwiRe - Definitely something in the air! And for the record, if anyone should think about submitting anything, it's you. Give it a go - you might surprise yourself.
And great idea, making a copy of the cheque! Thanks

Undr - Aw fanks hey! Cos a pic of Lyman is exactly wot I've always wanted

kyknoord said...

[fanfare] Congrats, Terri. It was well deserved. It'll be first prize next time :)

BUDDESS said...

Very well done. I am so happy when good things happen to good people. Sorry that you were sad yesterday. I hope you are feeling better today. I would also love to read your story.

Terri said...

Kyknoord - That is the plan, anyway!

Buddess - Thanks luvvie! I do feel a lot better today.

Bosbefok said...

Cool !! Now I can say I know an "Award winning Author" or is that Authoress ?
Hurry up with the book so we can retire !! Once again "Congrats!!"

ChittyChittyBangBang! said...

Congrats, Terri!!! So when do we get to read the short story?
I hope the mood has shifted... kinda not been feeling myself kately too.

Terri said...

Bosbefok - That is correct. You are now officially in the presence of greatness :-)

Chitty - No wonder you haven't been feeling yourself... who's kately?

ChittyChittyBangBang! said...

Hahaha... why, kately is lately of course!

Terri said...

Just checking for Freudian slips, m'dear, what with your recent frame of mind and all