Holiday snaps

Hello all! (All being the 3 of you who still read this blog. You're still there, aren't you?)

Well we're about half way through our holiday and having a ball but man, being on holiday can be tiring. I've done more socialising in the last week than I have in the last 6 months.
And I caught a cold. But that's OK, I'm surviving and it's great to be home.

The weather is great - as expected, warmer here in mid-Winter than Dublin is at the moment where it is mid-Summer. Our neighbours, who are travelling with us, can't quite get over it.

We spent the first 3 days in Cape Town and an old friend of ours was kind enough to play tour guide and show us around the place. He even stopped regularly so I could take photographs, although the temptation to disrupt my photography almost got the better of him outside the Brass Bell in Kalk Bay...

We hired a car and drove from Cape Town to Port Elizabeth, breaking the trip into 2 days so as not to overwhelm our Irish friends too much with the vastness of our beautiful country.

I was glad we decided on this. Normally Hubby would be in such a rush to get the 800km drive over with that there's no way he would have stopped for me to take arbitrary pictures such as this one...

But he did, so I could, and you lucky things are the beneficiaries.

Well since getting to Port Elizabeth we have been on the go non-stop. There are so many things going on I am not even going to scratch the surface of them now. To be honest I am sort of on auto-pilot right now, hence the fluffy photo post. It's about all I can manage but I sort of needed to do something to take myself away from reality for a few minutes. I'd forgotten how draining it can be to come home, sometimes.

We're going to see some lions tomorrow (hopefully) and this weekend we're heading off to a game farm where the lads will do some hunting and we gals will probably do a lot of book reading and nail painting. Aaah, some rest, at last...

:-)

Coincidence? Or shared consciousness?

I overheard a conversation between some of my colleagues this morning, in which they were discussing George Clooney. It was nothing new: the same tired argument - the men were saying he is gay, the women were arguing. In my personal opinion the only reason men say this is that they are all horribly jealous of M. Clooney - and why wouldn't they be?!
But that is not the point here.

The point is the weirdness, and that is that this conversation pinged something in my head and I suddenly remembered that I dreamt about the man himself last night. Yep, George Clooney, large as life, was in my dreams. It wasn't one of those dreams either (unfortunately); it was far more realistic. I was in jeans and a T-shirt, he was in a group of people obviously pandering to his every need (secretaries, publicists and the like) but for some reason we started a conversation and he ignored all of them for a few minutes. It was then that I told him I'd always known we would meet each other, which he found very amusing. We got along really well, and then he had to go, which was a little sad but sure, I have a husband you know and I have no desire to be part of the whole Hollywood scene. Far too many fake people there for my liking!

Yeah, kind of boring, I know.
Makes you wish it WAS one of those dreams, doesn't it.

The thing is, though, it's not as if dear George is a regular topic of conversation in our office. Nor do I dream of him every night (more's the pity...!) So what's up with the timing?
It's like when you think of someone, out of the blue, who hasn't entered your mind in ages and then the next day you bump into them on the street. That happened to me a LOT, with one particular person, actually - the ex-boyfriend of one of my sisters. If it had happened once, OK I can put it down to coincidence. Twice, maybe. But we're talking about maybe up to 10 times, spanning a period of something silly like a decade.
(And then one day we moved into a new house only to discover a few months later that this guy was one of our neighbours!)

There comes a point where I have to start wondering: Is there such a thing as coincidence? Or is there something going on in our subconscious that creates these things. Some might even play the 'psychic' card.

I figured I would put my own theory in here, but when I tried I realised I don't have one. At least not one that is a fully formed idea.

So what do you think? Psychic? Shared consciousness? Or just plain coincidence..?

When is it time to shoot the horse?

I am not really asking advice on horse murder here, it was a metaphor. What I really want to know is how does one know when the time has come to delete one's blog.
Is it when one only gets round to posting something new once a month... at the most?
Is it when the comments on one's infrequent posts become even less frequent than the posts themselves?
Or is it when one no longer has the thought, "I'm gonna blog about this!" half a dozen times a day; in fact one battles to find anything at all that seems blog-worthy in one's life.
Ponderous questions, indeed.

But then what if one doesn't want to delete one's blog and lose all the hours of work that have gone into it in the sum of all those posts. One can't help but think of the time spent writing, rewriting and agonising over the wording, not to mention finding and editing pictures and photographs. A blog is a creative thing, something born of one's own inventiveness. Hitting the "Delete Blog" button is quite a big deal, when the blog in question has been a work-in-progress for around 5 years.

Perhaps I'll ponder the question a bit more. After all, no-one ever accused me of making decisions quickly.

The funny side of politics

Our intranet page scrolls the latest news headlines in the sidebar.
Two of today's headlines (in this order) were...

"OBAMA BEGINS FIRST DAY AS US PRESIDENT"

"KENNEDY RECOVERING AFTER SEIZURE"

Am I the only one who finds this incredibly funny?


On the same topic, actually, though on a slightly less humorous note, I overheard a conversation between two colleagues this morning that sum it all up perfectly:

Pleb 1 (voice dripping with sarcasm): "So did anyone watch the 'coronation' on TV yesterday?"
Pleb 2: "Ah c'mon, dude, give Obama a bit of a break, willya? Even I, the hardened cynic, want to believe in this guy. The world needs a bit of hope, man."

'Nuff said, I reckon.

the weird and the wonderful

PORT ELIZABETH - MY HOME TOWN

My week is almost up; tomorrow I head back home to Ireland. Strangely, it feels like I've been here much longer than I actually have, probably because I've done quite a lot this week - nothing constructive, mind you, just being a little social butterfly :-)

I've had a wonderful time.

I went shopping on Friday with my 2 best friends. They hadn't really spent time together before 'cos of not living in the same city and all so it was quite strange for me to have both of them with me for the afternoon. Strange, but in a very good way; I felt quite privileged.

Yesterday morning I went to the beach and had a swim in the sea (well, not so much 'swim' as get wet up to the hips then sploosh water on myself 'cos I'm a bit of a wuss when it comes to waves!)... by 10:30 am I was hiding under a giant sarong though; how is it that I used to be able to spend a whole day in the sun as a kid but now I feel like I'm being BBQ'd after 45 minutes?!

Last night I got some of my old gang of friends together at a pub. It was just like old times - except now the conversation was more about kids & families than bikes & partying, and I was home just after 11pm, ready to hit the sack. (Last of the wild party-people - Not!!!)

I miss my Hubby an awful lot though and I'm kind of ready to go back to the cold now so I can be with him. Only 2 more sleeps to go... and one of those will be on an aeroplane

When will someone invent a magic transporter that can move us from one side of the planet to the other without the discomfort of sitting in cattle-class in a giant metal tube, bashing our knees on the seat back in front of us and trying to ignore the smelly stranger next to us who is snoring in our ear? And if anyone mentions Premium Economy, Business Class or First Class I'm going to smack them on the head because paying 3 times the price for a ticket is NOT an option - and I would still have to sit on me bum for 10 hours at a stretch and end up with feet & ankles that won't fit into my shoes for 3 days afterwards!

But I digress.

And now I've forgotten where I was heading.

So I'll leave you with a second picture instead.

SHARK ROCK PIER

then and now

I couldn't decide what to wear last night, but in the end it didn't really matter. The evening wasn't about me, or us - it was about our kids.
Last night our little girl graduated from high school.

Not so much a little girl anymore, eh?! The trouble is, she's quite short (sorry, Sweetie, but you are!) so she still feels like a little girl when she's mooching around the house. But last night she was all dressed up and made up and suddenly she and her friends all looked like adults.

It was weird how many memories the ceremony brought back. The youngsters were so boisterous, full of heckling and clapping and wolf-whistles, and generally being rowdy 18-year-olds.
You remember being there, don't you? I know I do; like it was yesterday.

There were some lovely moments: one of the girls read a poem she wrote about this time in their lives - talented young lady, I have to say. There was a 'ceremony of light' where some lovely things were said.
And then there was the headmaster's address... the man had lots to say, I gotta tellya. Some of it was pretty insightful but I couldn't help wondering if he couldn't have said some of it during the 6 years the kids were in his school, instead of saving it until then. The audience got awfully fidgety towards the end; the kids had their certificates and they wanted to go party!

And, of course, there was the "I know you don't think so now but one day you'll back on your school days and wish you were back there, because they are the best time of your life" speech.
We all heard it.
Some of us believed it.
I didn't.
If attendance at my Valedictory Service hadn't been mandatory, I wouldn't even have gone, and when it was finished I walked out with a huge grin on my face because I was done with school.
I said then that I would never miss school, that I would never wish I was back there.
It turns out I was right.
So kids, don't believe everything your headmaster says.

Now my days at College, well that's a different story entirely...!

enlightenment and alien flowers

Because I haven't posted a photograph in a while, here's one I took this morning...

Does anyone else think these look like alien flowers?

I have been reading a book that can best be described as "enlightening"... it has brought into focus all the different things that life and others have been trying to teach me. I get it now. I guess I just needed it put to me in a certain way for the penny to drop. Some people are lucky; they get it without all the emotional fuss and tortuous questioning. They simply get it from what their lives have taught them. Some of us need a little help.
Here's hoping that now I have it, I don't lose it again...

For it's easy to be positive when things are running smoothly. The trick is in not allowing the speed bumps of life to throw us off course. Most of the time, life happens gradually - it's like that whole cooking a frog story ^[1]. You think everything is fine until one day you realise you're not happy, and that you have been slowly becoming unhappier over time. It doesn't just happen in an instant. Clawing your way back from this can take just as long as it took to get there in the first place.

So what is it that I'm yabbering on about today? Let's just say I hit a speed bump last night, although exactly what it was, I am unable to tell you (not because I don't want to but because I honestly have no idea why I reacted the way I did!)
I am pleased to report, though, that after a few hours of Terri-time today and a little bit of sunshine outside for a change, I am well on my way to regaining that Balance I've been cultivating of late ^[2].

~

^[1] I forget the details but it's something along the lines of you can't boil a frog by tossing it into hot water because it'll just jump out... instead you put him in cold water and slowly turn up the heat. Horrible metaphor, I know!

^[2] I have learned that if you say it enough then it becomes true. Cool trick.

all work and no play...

Life is all about priorities, don't you think? Well, that's not all that it's about, obviously, but it sort of is because it's the thing that sorts out all the other stuff that life is about.
It's also about balance. We all need balance in our lives. Balance between work and play; between making money and spending it; between looking after others and looking after ourselves.

For a very long time I have felt that my life lacked balance. I never seemed to have enough time or energy left over for myself after doing all the stuff that I felt I should be doing. It may be that I have a rather over-developed sense of duty.

Lately, though, something seems to have twigged in my brain. I've always said that I can't do everything - and it's true. But whereas before I saw it as a personal shortcoming, I have now finally learned to accept that this is true not just of me, but of everyone, which means I am no longer trying so hard to do everything.
Talk about an epiphany!
I don't even want to think about how much energy I have wasted on stressing about not getting everything done.

This is not to say I've thrown my hands up in defeat. Not at all. I have been working seriously long, hard hours the last few weeks (months? dunno - not counting).
But to balance that out, I have also done some serious amounts of NOTHING, and it's been so good for me.
It does, unfortunately, have the side-effect of making me a tad boring. When one does nothing, there is very little to tell people.

"So what have you been up to lately, Terri?"
"Er, nothing much. You know, working, eating, sleeping..."

Not a great conversation-maker.

Well boo hoo. After working as hard as I have been, I deserve to take a nap on a Saturday afternoon. And a Sunday afternoon. And on Saturday and Sunday mornings, if I feel that way inclined.
Knowing that I deserve this rest, that it gives balance to my life, makes it a lot easier to enjoy the time spent doing nothing without stressing about what I should be doing instead.

The best part is, it turns out the rest of the family are perfectly capable of housework, and of feeding themselves and each other and, most importantly, me :-)
All it took was for me to tell them, "Hey guys, I'm working my ass off and I'm exhausted - I need a little help here."
And I got it.
Fancy that.

So I'm still working hard, but I'm resting hard too.
And in working hard, I'm earning a fair bit of extra money in Overtime. To balance that out, I booked a week away on a Greek island for Hubby and I next month. I made it, I can spend it. See how simple it is?

All that's left now is to figure out where to prioritise some regular blog-time and I'll be set!
I miss you guys.

a day in the life...

07:00 Wake up 'cos Hubby has to get up to go to work. Thank the universe that I'm on late shift so can sleep another 15 minutes. Roll over, shove head under Hubby's pillow and sprawl comfortably. Snore a bit.

07:15 Pandemonium wakes me - phone is throwing a fit with alarm going off. Phone is not next to bed where it should be. Hubby charges out of bathroom to dig in my handbag, finds phone and hands it to me to switch off. Am now completely awake. Get up, shower, etc at leisure... after all, am on late shift this week; no need to rush.

07:55 Check the letter in my rucksack to confirm I have to be at hospital for blood test at 09:30¹. Oh sh*t! Appointment is actually for 08:30. Panic a bit then gobble down half a bowl of cereal and leave house for first time in about 20 years without first having coffee.

08:20 Turn off motoway to follow big blue H sign to the hospital.

08:30 Stuck in traffic and not at all sure I'm going in the right direction.

08:40 Spy another big blue H sign down road on the right and thank universe for red traffic lights.

08:50 Stop in the hospital parking lot, remove helmet, balaclava, gloves and rucksack. Dig in rucksack for phone and ring the bloody lab to find out where I'm supposed to go.

09:00 Announce myself at the window, take a number and wait.

09:55 Blood test is done, using special test tube to outsmart clumping platelets. Have arrived at work after following naught but my impeccable sense of direction to find my way to work through an area I don't know at all. Pat self on back, change into working clothes and saunter up to desk.

10:05 Arrive at desk to find new young colleague looking pale and panicked and lots of managers looking worried and talking in hushed voices. Pick up info from garbled rumours that air-conditioning failed or pipe burst or something and Comms Room is under an inch of water. Still haven't had coffee. This is not good.

10:10 Establish that nothing has actually failed... yet. Boss arrives and takes over worrying. I get to have a cup of coffee at last.

13:24 Panic is over, water is gone (mostly) thanks to long-suffering Hoover. Ask universe if perhaps I should have stayed home today? Try to remember what I started doing before I was interrupted by an interruption of an interruption of an interruption 2 hours ago. Check today's canteen menu online.

15:35 Is it just me or is it really hot in the office today? Ah, no it's not just me. The air-conditioning is faulty (again) and the temperature is around 29°C (84°F) at my desk. I know this 'cos one of my colleagues has a thermometer at her desk. According to my Accuweather Info Bar in Firefox, it is currently 7°C (45°F) outside. We're debating who to nominate to go demand free ice cream from the boss.

15:42 The guy behind me discovered that Ryanair now charges €4 to check in at the airport. Much muttering and head shaking abounds.

16:46 Interrupt myself to change picture on my PC desktop. Now staring wistfully at photo of Montreux, remembering how nice it was there and how much fun biking 'round Europe was.



17:01 Reviewed weekend in head. Think personal emotional crisis is past. Wonder if going to Salsa club with Hubby and step-children + step-daughter's friend on Saturday night is normal. What's the opposite of dysfunctional?

17:07 Very painful sneeze due to putting neck out while sleeping last night. OUCH!!! Thank universe I don't sneeze very often. Wonder just what I was up to in sleep to cause neck to go out.

17:08 Will this day ever end??

17:15 Wonder how to allocate blogging on today's timesheet. Oh bollocks! More work to do...

17:25 Only 45 minutes to go. Sneak login to Blogger to post this rubbish... oops boss is back. Scratch that.

19:28 Home at last. Had great (if chilly) ride home on motorbike :-)

20:27 Tummy full. Hubby made supper, yay! Kids cleaned up afterwards, double yay! "Heroes" is on in an hour, yay and woohoo!

I guess not all Mondays that start out bad end up that way, eh?

~
~

¹ Apparently I have clumped platelets^1.1 so my doc sent me direct to the lab as they have to order in a special tube. Just part of a regular checkup, so don't panic.

^1.1 Seriously... "Clumping Platelets"??? WTF??!

Another week done

I seriously have to figure out a way to NOT have to work for a living. This is killing me. The day we flew back from New York I had these weird itchy red bumps on the palms of both hands that I am loath to call Hives but that seem to appear in times of severe stress. (The first time I had them was right before I got married.)
I couldn't figure out what I was worried about - I had had a really relaxing week and there was nothing huge on my mind. Work was going well, in fact life was pretty much smooth sailing all around.

But I think I've figured it out - the thing that was worrying me subconsciously has come to pass.
I have once again been sucked into the gray monotony that is the life of a thirty-something working professional woman / wife / (step-)mother. Wake up. Shower. Eat. Got to work. Smoke at 11. Lunch at 1. Smoke at 3. Home. Dinner. Laundry. TV. Bed.
Granted, I sometimes get a bit of a rush on the bike on the motorway coming home - if it's not blowing gales or p*ssing rain outside.

I was happy when January ended. The days are starting to get longer, the daffodils are beginning to make an appearance. Yesterday it actually felt warm at around 10 degrees C.
I got a promotion this week - and an increase and a bonus. I was really pleased about all three; I've been with the company 51/2 years and I've worked really hard so I feel I deserve the recognition.

At the same time... I've been working there 5 1/2 years!!! The same place, the same faces, for five and a half years.

If it weren't for the trips we take I think I would go stark raving mad or simply expire, becoming nothing more than another speck in the gray mush of the daily grind.

Is anyone prepared to sponsor me to travel the world? Please? In return I can tell you all about it - I can take pictures too!

Happy Friday, everyone.

The Year That Was

So here we are, only 5 days 'till Christmas and then poof! It'll be a whole new year again.

We're hosting Christmas at our house again this year, just with a different set of guests. Our very good friends were with us last year, but since then they have left Ireland and gone back to South Africa, having added the pitter-patter of tiny feet (and the occasional 2am howl) to their little family. So they won't be joining us.

Instead, Hubby's sister and her family have moved from South Africa to Ireland and they'll be driving up to spend a few days with us. My li'l sister will also be over, from London. It'll be good to have family around. It'll be a full house all right, but everyone will have a spot to sleep - I'm really glad we had our attic converted!

With all these guests arriving, there is a ton to be done this weekend, and I don't see much blog-time for myself. So I thought I'd do the reflecting-on-the-year-that-was bit now.

It seems to have been a year of reconnecting with the past.
I took a trip back home to South Africa, only to discover that it doesn't feel so much like home anymore. It's not the place I left 6 years ago, and it's definitely not the same place as the one where I grew up. That place is gone for good, I fear. As heartbreaking as it was to realise this, it was actually a good thing. I think what I got out of that trip was what the experts (?!) call Closure. And it turns out I'm OK with that.

My past caught up with me in another way, too.
In the first quarter of this year, a received a phone call from an old friend: someone I hadn't seen or spoken with in something like twelve years. She'd bumped into my sister in SA - both of them were there on holiday, from London! So she got my number and called me up to say hello. It was fantastic! Unfortunately I lived up to my old habit of leaving things till the last minute, and when I finally got around to phoning her back, she'd left London and headed off to parts unknown and now I've lost her again. Something tells me our paths will cross again, though, sometime in the future.

What's bizarre, though, is that this happened again a few weeks ago. One of my best friends from high school called me up out of the blue. I think the last time we spoke was at our high school reunion, 8 years ago. She, too, is living in the UK. This time I was smarter, and I now have phone numbers AND an email address for her.

I was simply astounded at how easy it was to slip back into conversation with these women, after all the time that had passed. I guess it's true - the friendships you make in your teens are the ones that are there for life.

There was another thing, too.
I had to trawl back through my archives to check this out: 7 months ago, in May, I wrote a post about a dream I'd had about a guy who'd been a good friend of mine throughout primary and high school. At the time I wondered about trying to get in touch with him but decided against it, as the lengths I would have to go to would have bordered on stalker-ish. But today I was reading the local newspaper from my home town, online (I do this occasionally), and I happened upon an announcement in the Classifieds, congratulating him and his wife (I presume) on the birth of their daughter. And in the announcement was his email address. Well I couldn't really not, could I? So I emailed him today, just to say congrats, and Hi. I figured I enjoyed my 'blasts from the past' so maybe he would, too. He's in a way different time zone though, so I have yet to hear back from him. Or not. Either way, that's OK.

And then there is the dreaded F-word.
Facebook. (You thought I was going to say something else, didn't ya?! HAH!)
Talk about reunions! Y'know, it turns out there are some people I actually don't mind finding me. In fact, I've found one or two myself.
More old friendships rekindled - across continents and after years and years.
So we send each other virtual hugs or fling chocolate cakes (or sheep, etc) at each other.
I'm still not completely enamored with Facebook but it is nice to know that people are thinking of me occasionally. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
You know - to counteract the spitting irritation I feel the rest of the time 'cos there's too much stuff on it that I don't know what to do with.

But I digress.

There's more on this Old Friends theme.
In October, we had a visit from my ex-boss from SA. He and his wife also happen to be old biking buddies of ours from way back when. They were only over for a few days but it was fabulous to see them... plus, it was a good excuse for me to get to eat out at my favourite Greek restaurant.

And finally, a few weekends ago, we had visitors over from Holland. He and Hubby go way, way back - they left SA just before we did. We stopped in to visit them on our trip around Europe last year, and now it was their turn to visit us. We had a blast - went off to watch the SA / Wales game in a pub in town, a drinking session that lasted way longer than it should have but we were having too much fun to care!

So what is the moral of all this rambling?
There isn't one.
If you were looking for deep and meaningful, you've come to the wrong place.
ahahahahaha!

ahem

Well OK then...
I've had some ups and downs, and even seen a bit more of the world this year (remember Barcelona and Paris?) Most of all, though, I have come to appreciate just how much family and friends mean to me.
And that includes all of you guys.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

The loop-de-loop

You know that feeling when your tummy does a flip-flop, like when you're passenger in a car and you're not paying attention and suddenly the car goes through a dip and it feels like your stomach got left behind? Well I feel like that's been happening to me, only it's not really my stomach but something less physical and more emotional, but in more or less the same place in my body. I'll be quite happily going along, doing my thing, living my day and all of a sudden I'll get one of these moments, where it feels like I'm on a roller-coaster and if I carry on going my emotions are going to dive, dive, dive submarine-style into the murky depths... at times like these my loved ones are my salvation. I will stop typing whatever command I'm busy with at my computer, pick up the phone and ring Hubby just to hear a voice and gather some sense of normalcy. Or I'll write a 2-line nonsensical email to my mom, or a friend, or a sister.
You see the last few months have been tough going, again. If I'm honest, I never really recovered 100% from my last extended period of depression - I had short stints of normalcy but I think it takes a long time to get past it completely and I feel like it's still so fresh in my mind that it doesn't take much to send me back there, and then it's such a hard fight to come back again. I'm back at the moment, for the most part. That is, I have a handle on things and am able to keep the niggling shadows at bay. Today I went to lunch with a large group of people from work and found myself sitting with two women I don't know except to nod hello at in passing, since we work in the same department. And I made it all the way through, making conversation and being a veritable social butterfly. I'm a tad exhausted now, but I feel a sense of accomplishment, although I'm not sure exactly when being sociable became such hard work.
I can't help but wonder will there ever be a time when being normal¹ will be the natural order of things again - or will I be fighting like this for the rest of my life..? I don't want to be on the rollercoaster anymore, I just want to live, and enjoy life. These pesky emotions are becoming a real pain in the ass, I tellya.
I suppose it's that time of year. 'Tis the season and all that - there's excitement in the buildup to the holidays but also sadness as we miss absent friends and family.
I mean, I know emotions are what make us human and all, but wouldn't it be nice if we could just take a break from them, occasionally?

~~~
~~
~

¹ Yeah, yeah, I know - It's a relative term..!

fleeting thoughts

Why d'you suppose our spam filter blocked a plain text email from me to a friend of mine asking how her mother was, yet this morning there was an html message with the words "puffy penis" in the title waiting for me from someone called... actually I can't remember 'cos I deleted it without paying too much attention.

And another thing; our firewall seems to have a mind of its own. Yesterday I couldn't leave comments on blogs but today I can. Yes I know I said I won't be blogging from work anymore but what can I say? I have no self-control.

It was raining this morning when I was riding to work. Traffic wasn't great and visibility was poor since daylight had only just begun to think about putting in an appearance. In these conditions I take it slow because even with my high-viz vest I know that drivers are less likely to see a girl on a motorcycle than they otherwise might be.
Two things happened.
One, I almost missed my turnoff. For the first time since I started riding the bike (about 9 months ago) my subconscious took over driving for a while. There is a stretch of around 2.5km of motorway that I do not remember riding this morning. My mind was on something else completely. They say that's a good thing, because apparently your subconscious drives better than your conscious but I found it a little scary.

The second thing was completely unrelated. On a bike, you're much more in touch with your surroundings; you feel the cold (or warmth, as the case may be, though not in Dublin very often) and you smell the scents of your surroundings. For me, it is always the smells that do it and this morning I was suddenly transported back to Jeffreys Bay in the summertime, in the rain because although it was freezing outside (unlike J-Bay in the summertime!) there was something about the smell, like salty sea air (again, very unusual in Dublin) mixed with the smell of rain and I could smell the vegetation on the sand dunes and hear the endless swooshing of the waves on the sand, and I was filled with young love and enthusiasm and life. Our summer holidays in Jeffreys Bay when I was a teenager were some of the happiest times of my life. Sun, fun and summer romances, bonfires on the beach at night with friends I thought would be there forever.
The sensation lasted about 30 seconds and then I was belched on by a bus.
Sure, we grab the moments when we can.

disjointed thoughts

You'd have been forgiven for thinking world war 3 had broken out last night with the amount of fireworks and bonfires and screeching that filled the air. The screeching, of course, was entirely that of young children dressed up as ghouls and fairies, madly excited about trick-or-treating for Halloween. Hubby was almost as excited, happily handing out sweeties to the youngsters (already on a sugar rush - pity the poor parents!).
Thank heavens it's over now.

I'm multi-tasking in a big way at the moment - hastily typing up a long overdue blog post, trying to upload pictures to Flickr (if the website ever decides to load) and going through a list of stuff on Facebook as long as my arm. (Why, oh why, did I ever sign up for the thing??! Me being the conscientious person that I am, no matter how many times I tell myself to just not log in again I just can't help myself. Pfft!)
And at the same time as all of that I'm trying to cook dinner.
Talk about spreading myself too thin...!

In other news, the new laptop is doing well - most of the time. The display is great for photos and it boots up really fast (certainly compared to my old 733mhz no-name-brand!) but for some reason the internet is really slow sometimes. And that REALLY annoys me. I'm inclined to blame the Norton internet suite, which I didn't use previously, but I just can't be sure... it's a Techie's worst nightmare and you know how notoriously bad techies are at fixing their own stuff.

I'm battling to keep up the blog. I seem to have lost the urge to write. Or take photos. The ones I want to upload to Flickr tonight (if the internet decides to play with) are those I took in South Africa in July!!! "Better late than never" seems to be becoming a theme in my life.
I seem to have lost the urge to do a lot of things. But I still enjoy riding my bike - I reckon the trips to and from work are the highlight in my life at the moment.

So anyway, if it means anything I do think of you guys. If Big Brother wasn't watching my every move at work I'm sure I'd be doing a better job of keeping in touch. Yah, I know, excuses excuses and all that.
Sorry.
I do miss you all though. And I'm sure I'll be back on form again at some point so don't give up on me, OK?

Six years, six things

Six years ago today two incredibly good-looking (if somewhat clueless) South Africans stepped off a 'plane at Dublin airport for the first time. They had been married a mere 6 months and since the wedding their lives had taken on a whole new and rather unexpected direction. Their cars, motorcycle, house and all it's contents had been sold, debts settled and farewells bidden. They had with them a grand total of IR£3500, which was all they had in the world apart from their clothes and a few boxes which were neatly (sort-of) packed in corners and garages of various relatives' homes.
It was the beginning of a new life; their aim was to settle in Ireland and move forward. Their cash was enough to maintain them for 3 months, at the most. It was make-or-break time.

The short version is that at the end of 3 months, they thought it was "break". 9/11 happened, the job market froze and they were down to their last week's worth of grocery money... and then one of them found work. And from there things started moving forwards.

Six years on and I'm pleased to say it turned out to be "make". To the point where they often turn to each other and smile, giving thanks for how lucky they are.
They have all the trappings they left behind in their homeland, and more.

In honour of the day, I thought I'd share with you six random things:

1. There is, in fact, good reason for all those Irish jokes you hear.

2. The reason Ireland is known as the Emerald Isle is because the fields and grass are greener here than you would ever believe possible.

3. The reason the fields and grass are so green is because it's pretty much always raining!

4. The Irish are the friendliest and most fun-loving nation I have encountered.

5. Guinness really is good for you!

6. Places like those you see in TV programmes like "Ballykissangel" and "Father Ted" really do exist in this day and age.

Thanks, Ireland. You've been good to us.

saying nothing

She plops down in front of her laptop, rubs her hands together and then stares at the screen, hands poised for when the moment strikes; the moment when pure genius inspiration will flow from her soul through her fingertips as they fly over the keyboard.

But... nothing.
Only five more minutes before she simply must switch off the laptop and pack it back in its bag (because of course leaving it out just would not do - far too untidy) and the pressure is getting to her. Because she has to write something today. It's been over a week since the last one and since then - nothing. No clever thoughts; no funny anecdotes (except for the guy in the canteen last week who had a piece of toilet-paper trailing from the back of his trousers but really, how much can be said about that?).

Two minutes to go and she's staring out of the window, wondering if the cat perched on the wall is going to pounce on whatever it's stalking in the neighbour's yard, or not.
It doesn't. Instead, it stalks off further along the wall that stretches from yard to yard all the way down to the end of the lane.

Time's up now. She sighs and sniffs, defeated.
Oh well, tomorrow is another day.

sometimes

Sometimes I just need someone to tell me it's OK, that I am good at my job, that I am good enough, that something terrible isn't going to happen just because things are going well at the moment...

It's like this, you see:
I was really glad to be back after our holiday. I was happy to be in my own house again, and to be back into routine. And then I started having weird dreams. I'd dream about my step-son who is still in SA. I dreamt I was dying of cancer. I dreamt someone stabbed me to death. I dreamt about my grandmother. And I was convinced something bad was going to happen.

Something bad did, in fact - the father of an ex-boyfriend passed away last Friday. I was really sad to hear about this. I met his son when I was only 15 and we dated for over a year. I spent loads of time at their house and went away on holiday with the family. When my boyfriend was drafted into the army, his parents took me with them to visit him on "Parents' Weekend" at the end of his basic training. This man was one of the nicest I've ever known. Growing up without a father, I used to feel very uncomfortable around my friends' fathers. I didn't really know what they were about. But I never felt uncomfortable around Bob and he will have left a hole in the world. It is probably years since I saw him but I mourn him a little nonetheless.

And the sane part of me is telling the crazy part of me not to read anything into my weird dreams.

Actually I think most of my angst is work-related. We have a Contractor in at work as our little team is a man down at the moment and until someone is hired permanently we have a string of highly experienced and knowledgeable DBA's filling the seat next to mine.
All this does is make me realise how limited my own knowledge and experience are.
Bah humbug - just when I thought I was doing well..!

And on a completely unrelated topic, last night I forewent (Is there such a word? Past tense of "forego"?) watching a movie with Hubby in favour of sitting down for some uninterrupted and dedicated blogging. Well, blog-reading to be more accurate. It was fun. Lots of fun. You guys are quite entertaining, y'know that? I kept getting dirty looks from Hubby 'cos at one point I was laughing so hard the tears were rolling down my cheeks, during what appeared to be a Very Serious Moment in the movie.
Oops ;-)
I haven't had a couple of hours to read blogs in ages and it reminded me why I do this thing.

So thanks, all of you.

back to reality

Oddly enough I was actually not devastated to come home to Dublin this time. That is not to say I didn't howl like it was the end of the world when we said goodbye to my Mom and stepson at the airport on Friday evening because I did. So much so that I set Cinderella off too... and I could've sworn I even saw Hubby's eyes well up. Hardly surprising, I suppose, since he had his two favourite girls sobbing on his shoulders at the same time in the departures lounge.
But once I'd recovered from that, I was OK. In fact I was actually glad to be back in our own house again (and my back was most pleased to see my own bed). I may not have exactly skipped off to work yesterday morning but I didn't want to stick a poker in my eye over it either. Perhaps getting to ride my bike again helped. [Insert Cheshire cat grin here.]

So what can I tell you about the holiday? The weather was fantastic - sunshine and blue skies for all but 2 days of our 3 weeks there, and warm enough to wear T-shirts. Except at night when it actually got quite cold and the houses in SA wouldn't know double-glazing or central heating if it hit them in the facias. But it was certainly an improvement over our Irish summer (53 consecutive days of rain, so I've been told!).

In some ways it was like we had never left, after just a couple of days there. In other ways it was like a flashback to a previous life. And somewhere along the way something settled in my soul. It's really difficult to explain but it's as if something has been resolved inside of me, something that was causing conflict before; I am now genuinely OK with not moving back there. It feels good.

We partied with our friends and yes, karaoke was involved. You can check out the evidence over at Oodlesofnoodlesoffun.
We had a highly entertaining (and rather extended) lunch with both the aforementioned Buddess and another blogger, Katt, with whom some of you may already be familiar.
We ate braaivleis (BBQ) and seafood until we were hankering for no more than a sandwich.
We sat in the sun at every opportunity and I'm pleased to say I no longer look like a corpse.
I even read a book from start to finish.

I also took a couple of hundred photographs which I will be sorting and uploading along with the promised pics from my latest Paris excursion shortly... Just as soon as I've managed to catch up on some blog reading.
It's amazing how much you people manage to write in 3 weeks!

lets do the time warp!

I think I may have entered a time warp. Two weeks back in my hometown and it's like I never left. It's really relaxing to be in a place where you don't have to think so hard about everything... you just know, because your surroundings have been there your whole life. I don't have to choose my words carefully to make myself understood to people. I can go to the till and ask for some potato salad in a bakkie, just enough to take to a bring-and-braai, and the lady behind the counter knows exactly what I'm looking for (as opposed to asking for about 500grams (?) of potato salad in a plastic container please, to take to a barbeque).
It turns out, too, that I haven't forgotten how to drive a manual car and I don't have to plan my journeys - I know exactly where everything is in this town and how to get there.
I'm still trying to figure out where all the people are though. We have these great big wide roads here and hardly any traffic; the Irish could take a lesson there somewhere, teehee.

Earlier this week we drove out to a little seaside hamlet called Cannon Rocks to visit our friends, who have recently returned here from their own stint in Ireland. Are there beaches this beautiful anywhere else in the world?
Take it as a challenge, I dare you... and I want photographic proof, 'kay? *

I know I've been harping a bit on how wonderful it is to be home and all but as much as I'm already dreading having to leave again next weekend, this visit has also reinforced our decision not to return permanently. This place, and the people in it, haven't changed much and I guess we haven't either, except... we've moved forward and coming back would be like moving backwards again. I know I'm going to be an emotional wreck when we leave but I also know that my life is not here anymore.
Onwards and upwards, as my good buddy Buzz would say.

And on a completely different note may I just add that I'm really missing my blogging buddies a LOT - I'm afraid blogging by dial-up is just not a viable option. It takes ages to load any of the pages and I'm awfully conscious of my poor Ma's phone bill. so I guess I'm going to have stacks of catching up to do when I get back to Ireland.

~

* OK so this challenge has lost some of its impact as a result of me not being able to get the photo uploaded. Yay dial-up. I'll try again tomorrow. Pfft!

monday blues

I've been trying to write up a nice post for you guys, telling you all about the fun weekend Hubby and I had in London. It really was great - we stayed with my Li'l Sister and on Saturday the 3 of us went to watch the rugby-match-that-will-not-be-discussed and have a BBQ with my cousin at the pub he's been running for the last few years, followed by his farewell party.
He's moving to Oz, you see. We really had a good time (Thanks Cuz!) and it was well worth the hangover yesterday.

Trouble is it's hard to tell you good things about a great weekend when my mood is as irritable as what it is. Aaargh!!! Being nice - or even civil - to people is incredibly difficult when all I want to do is snap at them for simply breathing. Yep, it's one of those days when I should be sent home as unfit for human interaction.
Thing is, I should be happy... after all, this time next week we'll be on holiday in South Africa. And in truth, I am very excited and can barely contain myself about that. Who knew excitement and irritation could co-exist to such degrees?!

Because I don't wanna figure out why there is a problem with [process A]. I don't wanna have to solve the problem of poor performance on [server X]...

Update...
... and I've just noticed that some clever formatting I put in earlier caused only half my post to be published. I believe the GRRR factor has just grown exponentially!
d'ya think "I need to blog" is a valid excuse for not working any more today???!